There are two types of marriages, marriages where people are committed and marriages where people are just involved. I give you a scenario, when you walk into a restaurant and on the menu you have fried rice and fried chicken and on the other side of the menu you have fried rice and fried eggs. I know the option that most people would go for. Most people would go with the option of fried rice and fried chicken. This is because it is the tastier option, it is the better option. I tell you the difference between fried rice with fried chicken and fried rice with fried eggs. The difference is that in fried rice with fried chicken, the chicken was committed. While in fried rice with fried eggs the chicken was just involved, it was just merely involved, it laid eggs and walked away. So I want your marriage to be like fried rice and fried chicken, that is the committed marriage. You have to be committed in what you do in that marriage. You have to be committed financially, you have to be committed in the affairs of the home, you have to be committed in looking after the children. You have to be committed in every aspect of your home. Your spouse, your partner, your husband or your wife has to know that you are committed. When both parties know that they are committed, that marriage is better, it is sweeter because everybody is on the same page, there is no suspicion, there is trust. So I want you to go ahead, try and be committed in your marriage if you are not already committed and you will find out that your marriage will be better for it.
– How to give great advice (and know when to shut up)
There is nothing like a good heart-to-heart discussion. And a problem shared often seems lessened. But there is a fine line between support and interference and if you dish out badly judged advice, it can easily ruin a friendship. So when and how should you speak up and when is it best to keep quiet?
It’s as much as about what you don’t say
Martha Beck, US “life design” counsellor and author of Finding your own North Star, has this to say to people who like giving advice. “Good advice”, she says Is about listening.’ Be empathetic but don’t brandish your own opinion or experience. Encourage your friend to talk and find the best solution herself.
I discovered the truth in this myself when was offered an exciting but uncertain, career opportunity and turned to one Mend for advice. Her unwillingness to offer an opinion was frustrating. Now I realise that she was letting me work through the issues and make the right decision alone. If a friend does demand your opinion on a dilemma, always be measured in your response, says Beck. “Remind her that she’s got the power to make the choice about what to do with your advice and point out that your advice maybe wrong.”
Give Empowering, Not Overpowering Advice
That is imposing your (often uninvited) opinions on someone rather than offering support that will help your friend find their own solutions: what Beck calls “empowering advice”. The first rule of any good advice, she states, is that it is invited. People always resist being what to do.
Be Supportive Rather Than Lecturing
If you see a friend in a damaging situation something that may be affecting their physical or mental health you’ll feel you must give advice. But rather than lecturing about the damage that their drinking/spending/infidelity is doing, simply tell them your concerns, making it clear you care for them without imposing your opinion. Friends need to know you’re there for them, but you’ll never be able to force someone’s will. “Don’t tell someone what to do, but guide them.,” says Valerie Lamont, a chartered counselling psychologist.
PERSONAL & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT
“Most people know best thing to do; they need help arriving at point.”
Make Sure Your Advice Isn’t All About You
There are times when you have to consider your motives for what you say and who you say it to. If you are too close to a dilemma, it will be hard to give unbiased advice. Be sure your response isn’t more about your own feelings on a friend’s situation than a genuine concern for them. Likewise, understand your own hidden agenda, Lamont says. “In many friendships there is an element of envy: be aware of that.” If say, you believe a friend is better placed than you financially or socially, it may be hard for you to take problems about these issues seriously.
If you don’t think you can give advice, say so
Sometimes the best thing you can do for a friend is to send them in the direction of someone better able to help. It’s more useful to admit a lack of knowledge or a biased viewpoint than to try to deal with a problem you’re not equipped to sort out. Alternatively, say nothing.
Often when someone asks for advice, they’re really only looking to bounce ideas off someone. Silence is especially golden if a friend is moaning about a partner. While her criticisms will be forgotten when they make up, yours may not be.
The greatest piece of advice you can give may not be at first glance advice.
TIPS ON ADVICE
- People who don’t know you.
- Those who aren’t supportive.
- Relatives have a set about you what you need.
- Friends who want to keep you right where you are.
- Anyone with an axe to grind
- Anyone who condones your attempts to postpone
- People who ask questions you see motives.
- Those who don’t refer back to their own experiences
- People who give their opinion only after careful consideration
Vitamin E – all whole grain cereals including brown rice, oats and whole meal bread, wheat germ, soy beans, cold pressed vegetable oils, nuts.
Selenium – whole cereals, particularly germ and bran, also and garlic.
With all these benefits from a vegetarian diet to reverse the ravages of cancer around the world, we encourage people, where it is possible, to include more vegetables in their diet to consume 3 or more servings of vegetables and 2 or more servings of fruits every day.
In the American journal of clinical nutrition, ills reported that there is a significant protection from cancers of the oesophagus, larynx, oral cavity and pancreas in those people who eat large amount of fruits and vegetables.
Recommendations to Reduce Cancer Risk:
Summarized from the American Cancer Society and National Academy of Science publication
- Eat plenty of high fibre foods such as whole grains, beans, fruits and vegetables.
- Eat plenty of foods that are high in vitamins A and C, such as dark green and deep yellow vegetables, citrus fruits and yellow/orange fruits.
- Eat more cruciferous vegetables such as cabbage and sprouts
- Maintain proper body weight.
- Reduce dietary fat intake to no more than 30 per cent of total calories.
- Avoid salt- cured smoked and nitrite cured meats.
- Don’t smoke.
- Alcohol is not recommended
- Guard against overexposure to sunlight
Hope For Cancer Patients:
A new drug can deaths among women breast cancer by 39% and reduces the chances of it spreading by 40%. The new drug, Letrozole, has been on trial for the past two and a half years, and the trial was even stopped early as it was so successful, the scientists felt it was unfair to keep some women on a placebo. Already available to women with advanced breast cancer, the makers, Novatis, want it licensed for women who have already tried other treatments such as Tamoxife
Qsteoporosis, or brittle bone disease, affects millions of adults all over the world. Not only is it painful, it can also lead to severed disability and even premature death. But there are prevent a five measures you can take.
Thin and brittle bones occur due to the loss of bone mineral, which maintains the strength of our bones. This loss occurs over many years. The risk of osteoporosis depends on the amount of calcium stored in the bones in earlier life and the rate of loss during middle and old age.
There are a number of ways to help our bodies build strong and healthy bones, especially during childhood and adolescence. A diet rich in calcium and an active lifestyle are especially important. After about the age of 30 it is difficult to increase bone mass, but regular weight-bearing exercise can help to maintain your bone strength and reduce the rate of loss of bone mineral.
Protecting your bones can begin at any age. Here are a number of ways you can ensure healthy bone growth:
Include at least 800mg of calcium in your diet each day. This is roughly equivalent to a pint of milk, bog almonds, 50g steamed tofu or a large bar of chocolate. Add green leafy vegetable to your diet
Take regular weight- exercises such as walking running, or high-impact activities such as aerobics.